Coronavirus Toolkit: How To Deal With Anxiety and Be a Peace Catalyst
by Peter Anderson
This has been a weird few weeks. For many of us it seemed as if one week we were hearing about a spreading illness in China and Europe, and the next we’re closing schools, offices and social lives, working from home or getting laid off, and being told that everyone we love is doomed if we don’t stay six feet apart and wash our hands every five minutes. COVID-19 is upon us.
As we fear the uncertainty of it all, mourn the loss of “normal life,” and get angry and want someone to blame, the pandemic is inspiring a lot of stress and anxiety. It’s no wonder: this has been a massive shock to our system, psychologically, socially, and economically.
As a peacebuilder concerned with how individuals and societies respond to painful experiences, I think it is important to name what many are experiencing: trauma.
My goal is to offer the beginning of a toolkit with ideas and guides for leaning into the trauma in healthy, constructive ways. There are a lot of useful lists and guides floating around already aimed at helping us cope with and adapt to our current reality. This one is aimed at empowering people to not only cope with the anxiety and psychological wounds this pandemic is generating, but to transform them into something life-giving and to let it be a catalyst for building stronger relationships and new possibilities.
Recognizing When and Where Anxiety Builds
Before we can do anything about our overwhelming anxiety, we must learn to recognize when it is building.
Recognize the Feeling
When our stress grows, we feel it physically in our bodies. When I’m feeling anxious, I experience a ball of unsettledness in the pit of my stomach, often accompanied by a nervous energy, tingling skin, and an inability to focus. When I’m angry, muscles in my core tighten, I take shorter breaths, and I experience a surge of adrenaline that I want to use to hit or throw things. Learn to recognize this, and you can interrupt it before it takes over.
Recognize the Triggers
It also helps to notice what events, experiences, or topics drive up our stress level. What sorts of conversations or situations lead us to want to dominate or control others, to shut down conversation and assert our answers as final? When do we feel helpless or unequipped, and simply want to avoid discomfort by escaping or changing the subject? By learning to recognize our responses and the events that most trigger them, we can better prepare ourselves to redirect that energy.
Grounding Yourself When Anxiety is High
As fear, anger, and uncertainty cause our stress and anxiety to rise, we can start to feel overwhelmed and out of control. But we don’t have to be completely helpless; we can use a range of tools to help us reconnect with ourselves and our surroundings. By grounding ourselves in the present, we can interrupt or process the building trauma before it sets in. If possible, familiarize yourself with these practices when you’re already calm; it’s difficult to learn something for the first time when you’re being overwhelmed.
FOCUSED BREATHING
Start simple: when you feel your emotions getting out of control, pause and take some long, deep breaths. Focus your attention on the sensation of breathing with each inhale and exhale. Continue until the overwhelming feeling has subsided.
CONNECT WITH YOUR SURROUNDINGS
When we become overwhelmed, we can find ourselves swimming in our emotions so fully that we begin disconnecting with our immediate environment. Pausing to notice and reconnect with what’s around us and being mindful of our surroundings can keep us grounded and present in the moment.
EMOTIONAL SELF-CONNECTION
Interrupting and processing our immediate stress may also require a deeper level of awareness. Name the underlying, unmet emotional needs driving your anxiety and make a choice about which need to focus on.
MOVE YOUR BODY
Sometimes, the best first aid is just to get moving. High levels of anxiety and unresolved trauma can leave us with pent up energy waiting for a release; if our emphasis is on controlling or stifling our physical reactions, that energy is left bottled up. Go for a walk or run. Work out. Play with the kids or pets. Dance. Do yoga. Let the fear or rage take over for a moment by yelling and screaming (without hurting or terrifying others, please). Mentally, emotionally, and physically, we’ll be in a more grounded place after using up that adrenaline.
Connect With Yourself And Your World
Thankfully, we are rarely in a constant state of high level, overwhelming anxiety. For most of us that level of stress comes and goes in waves. Having regular practices for staying connected with ourselves and the world around us heals and builds resiliency.
ESTABLISH ROUTINES
For many people so far, the most anxiety-inducing aspect of the pandemic is that it has completely disrupted normal life. Work rhythms have changed or ended, kids are no longer in school, we can no longer go out for anything social or entertaining. Even if kids are not obviously displaying the same level of fear and anxiety, this disconnection from their familiar school schedule and circle of friends can be very disorienting and painful.
We can counter the trauma of this by intentionally creating new, consistent routines (or rhythms) in order to establish a new sense of normalcy.
Start with the familiar. Many things have changed, but not everything needs to. What can you continue doing? Maybe wake up at the same time as usual, and go through the same breakfast and getting ready routine? Perhaps get dressed for school and work, instead of staying in pajamas? Focus on the same sort of work or academic projects during the same part of the day as normal? Perhaps continue doing whatever family practices you already had, and build around that? Anywhere that we can build in a degree of continuity, the more familiar and reassuring our environment becomes.
Be flexible and sensitive. When I talk about a routine, I don’t necessarily mean a detailed schedule that outlines the entire day. Rather, just build some structure into the day. When will you get up? Have your meals? When are you working or studying, and when do you have free time? How are you building in time for play and exercise? When can the kids interrupt while you work from home, and when do you need to be left alone? The key here is balance; agreeing upon clear expectations of the day keeps everyone on the same page, but a sensitivity to our family’s needs day-to-day means we also need the freedom to pause the daily routine to do something new or different.
Be intentional. If nothing else, a basic routine provides a reassuring consistency that can help keep us grounded and connected with reality. We can build on that by including intention—not just “what are we doing” but “why are we doing it?” Think about your needs for physical activity, mental stimulation, emotional connection, healthy amounts of food and sleep, variety, a sense of purpose or meaning, fun, etc. How can your routines help meet those needs?
PRACTICE MEANINGFUL RITUALS
If routines provide structure and regularity, rituals give us meaning. Rituals can be significant moments of transition or focus amidst our routines, but they exist to keep us rooted at a deeper, soulful level. Personal and group rituals are an important way to keep ourselves grounded in narratives of hope, not despair.
Practicing Celebration. This kind of ritual can help us to step back and get perspective on our day. Too easily we get dragged down by the heavy, scary, anxious feelings we experience and miss the moments of hope, joy, and compassion that are still all around us. When we pause to practice celebration, it doesn’t mean we pretend the hard things don’t exist—it just means we’re reminding ourselves that there’s more to the story. The practice is simple: at a set time during the day, or regularly throughout the day, pause to reflect on what has been worth celebrating. Where have we felt joy, given or received love, or experienced hope? What lifted our spirits? This can also be an easy ritual for families to practice together at the dinner table or before bed.
Daily Examen. Another meaningful practice is the daily examen, an end-of-day reflection common in Catholic Ignatian spirituality but easily adaptable. The premise is simple: choose a few meaningful questions that we ask ourselves at the end of each day, revolving around what has happened and what we’ve experienced. A Christian examen could include questions like, “Where have I seen God today?,” “What am I thankful for?,” and “What do I want to pray for tomorrow?” Other questions might include, “Where have I been brave today?,” “When was I kind?,” or “What did I learn?”
EXERCISE SELF-COMPASSION
In times of anxiety we can often default to minimizing and ignoring our emotions in order to avoid what hurts. But facing our pain and exploring the unmet needs underneath it is what can frees us. In stressful times like this, we can get so caught up in thinking and problem-solving that we miss what we’re feeling. Self-compassion also helps us when we think we’ve failed. “I should behave like this,” “I should be more productive working from home,” “Being home with my kids should be better than this,” “I should be providing for my family better than this” etc. By having compassion on ourselves we can move past these judgements and care for our own pain and, in so doing, we can move toward more life-giving patterns.
GET OUTSIDE
Staying cooped up inside our homes all the time means we may feel pretty disconnected from the rest of the world—especially our natural world. Spending time in nature builds resiliency by reminding us of our identity in relation to the rest of our environment. Plus, getting outside is good for your mental, emotional, and physical health, even if it’s just in the backyard. Thankfully, even under shelter-in-place orders, most locations have still allowed people to go outdoors as long as they stay six feet apart. So go for a walk, head to the park, do some hiking, or just sit and enjoy the sun and breeze.
STAY ACTIVE AND HEALTHY
Spending so much time at home also probably means we’re moving around less than we were before. And with the addition of pandemic anxiety and the disorientation of changed life, it’s easy to slip into patterns of stress eating and neglecting exercise. Unfortunately, this leads to an unhealthy cycle—if we aren’t eating, exercising, or sleeping well, we’re more prone to getting physically ill and being emotionally unwell. Consider this an essential part of your routine. Make time to take care of your body by moving, getting exercise and rest, and eating nourishing food.
STAY INFORMED AND EMPOWERED
Different people react to the news in different ways. Some listen to ongoing news coverage and feel powerless and overwhelmed, increasing their anxiety and trauma. Others soak up the news and feel safer because they’re informed. Because of this, I want to stress the word empowered.
In general, the more we understand an issue, the more secure and in-control we feel. If we don’t gain at least a basic understanding of the virus and how it travels, we’re putting ourselves at real risk. But if we overdo it by obsessing over the news, arguing or attacking others over minute points, or getting consumed by a sense of helplessness, then the news will be trauma-inducing.
So stay informed but be mindful about how much time you’re spending on it. And stay focused on information that you can act on. What can you do to stay safe and protect others? What is your local community doing about this, and how can you help? Who in your government or community can you call to encourage more effective responses? When we prioritize information that empowers us, we can stay educated and participate in solutions to the pandemic.
DO WHAT BRINGS JOY
My hope is that many people are already doing this one, but sometimes our anxiety is so overwhelming that we forget to enjoy ourselves. What gives you life? What makes you happy? You could create art, start household dance parties, try a new recipe, write letters to friends, play games with your household, go for a hike while maintaining social distancing, build something, play with the kids or pets, or catch up on sleep. In times of fear and anxiety, it’s more important than ever to remind ourselves of who we are and what we love by making time for the things that bring us joy and make us whole.
Connect With Others
In a time of crisis and anxiety, when we fear the unknown, feel powerless against the unseen, and mourn the loss of safety and familiarity, leaning into our relationships with others is a critical practice.
PRIORITIZE SOCIAL TIME
Some of us (certainly me) can have a tendency to stress about getting things done. How am I supposed to be productive when I’m working at home? How do I work when my kids are home too? How do I also make sure my kids are doing their homeschooling? And cook food, get groceries, and check on my grandparents and neighbors? And everything else people say I should be doing to use this time productively, like everything on this list I’m reading now?!?!
If there is item in this toolkit I would prioritize above all others, it’s this one.
Find times to relax and have fun with those you live with. Communicate with your family and friends often. Chat with your neighbors when you’re able. Stay connected to those you worship or volunteer or grow with. Meet up with people for a walk or a hike (just stay far enough apart). Lean into your relationships; it matters now more than ever.
Let’s also be intentional about reaching out and checking in. Don’t just receive connections; initiate them.
GROUP ROUTINES
Some of this will happen naturally as we develop new routines with our co-workers, family, or housemates. Other opportunities need more intention. This can also happen online, as many religious communities and other organizations have shifted their meetings to a digital space. If you aren’t already connected to a group that’s gathering people together, consider looking to see who around you is finding new ways to do life together in new ways.
FIND AN EMPATHY BUDDY
We all need someone that we can pour our hearts out to, who will hear our fear and anger and frustration and sadness, and simply accept us without trying to minimize or fix our emotions. You might already have someone that you can do that with; if so, keep making space for that relationship. If not, consider if you know someone with whom you’d be willing to try giving and receiving that level of vulnerability.
Use Your Pain For Transformation
As a peacebuilder, I don’t like to stop at asking how we avoid or mitigate hard experiences. I want to know how our stress and pain changes us and how we can use it to build something new.
Several of the suggestions mentioned below are extensions of the tools above, but that is intentional. The very things we need to keep ourselves healthy and whole are the same things that we need to pour into our relationships and the rest of society in order for the wholeness and healing to spread.
Personal Transformation
SHAPE YOUR NARRATIVE
We can be mindful of the stories we tell and how we tell them. When we talk about current events, do we choose to focus our energy on blaming people or on celebrating those who are coming together to serve the common good? Do our conversations sink into fatalism, or do we cling to the hope that we can find a way through this together? Do we speak in ways that show concern for our neighbors or only ourselves?
Three important clarifications should be made. First, this is not simply optimistic wishful thinking—it needs to be based in reality. We’re always surrounded by both encouraging and disheartening stories; our narratives tell us which ones to pay attention to. By choosing to lean into the hopeful, unifying narratives, we’re choosing to prioritize the stories that inspire us. Second, this is more than just thinking—narratives must be embodied. When we choose to focus on inspiring, life-giving stories and goals, we also must live them out in ways that can then inspire hope in others as well. Third, this does not mean that we turn a blind eye to people who are doing wrong or who have failed us, be it local citizens profiteering or national leaders who could have been more prepared. Rather, it is about how we handle those disappointing stories. Do stories of moral and administrative failure motivate us because we believe something better is possible, or do they cause us to give up hope and cut ourselves off from others?
LEARN AND GROW
The question, “what are you going to do with all that free time?” may be a pandemic joke, but it’s still worth considering. On a personal level, the decrease in social and work life and increase in time at home can create new opportunities for personal growth (of course, everyone’s situation will vary). Choosing to work on something constructive and lasting in the midst of this uncertain time can offer an encouraging level of groundedness and direction. Learn something new. Read some books. Discover new cooking or carpentry skills. Complete a project around the house. Finally finish writing that novel or song. Learn a language. Whatever it is, the steps of moving forward and growing, even when surrounded by a sea of anxiety, can be healing and strengthening.
Interpersonal Transformation
DEVELOP NEW RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS
The upheaval of COVID-19 has created countless opportunities for us to reevaluate who we connect with and how. The next question is, is this only a temporary change, going back to “normal” when this is all over? Or is it an opportunity to make new, intentional choices going forward? We can start thinking now about how to better balance our lives to make space for our relationships; to consider how we want to take more initiative in reaching out to people; and how to foster deeper, more vulnerable friendships.
Social Transformation
SHAPE THE NARRATIVE
We can all help shape the way that our communities and society understand this pandemic and how much trauma we receive from it. This is where creative skills come in. Are we musicians? Storytellers? Artists? Filmmakers? Photographers? Social media influencers? Bloggers? People who have a lot of Facebook discussions? Let’s put our skills to work spreading life-giving narratives of hope and purpose in our world. These narratives can carry us all through the fear and pain of today and into the work of changing things for the better tomorrow.
HELP YOUR COMMUNITY
It’s not enough for us talk our way into a narrative of hope and community action; we have to live it.
Run errands and check in with at-risk people in your community
Donate blood
Donate to food banks and other service providers
Buy gift cards and order takeout from local businesses and restaurants
Donate to ensure kids are still getting lunch
If possible, offer to teach or share your skills online
Ask what your faith community, club, or association is doing to help vulnerable community members, and pitch in
ORGANIZE YOUR COMMUNITY
Set up a Facebook page or WhatsApp group to ensure your community is protected and cared for right now. Focus on organized communities (your religious community or office, for example), or the local neighborhood or block. Invite people, set some expectations for what gets shared and how the group is used, and see how people start stepping up to look out for each other.
WORK FOR SOCIAL CHANGE
How is COVID-19 intersecting with or shaping our priorities and values? What does it have to say to our own life and how we interact with the world? What is it bringing to light that we feel compelled to do something about? Perhaps the economy, the most vulnerable in our communities, the environment, etc. Whatever it is—whatever you’re getting excited or passionate about—get involved and put productive energy toward it.
This toolkit is a shortened version of the full toolkit originally published here.